someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
