becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
