can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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