My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
