i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize