I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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