garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
