i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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