why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
