I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
