is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
