I am puke
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
whose parrot is this?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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