He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
