Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
