Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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