and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
