her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
