Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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