There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
