I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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