I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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