you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
