I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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