even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
