She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
