Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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