I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
