I didn't shave. On purpose
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
