My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want nice things and good sex
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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