I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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