I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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