suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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