I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
