so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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