I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
