Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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