I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
