he shaved USA in his pubs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
