Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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