She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
