walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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