Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
