Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I deserve this hangover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
