So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
