When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize