remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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