i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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