I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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