So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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