I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
