I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize