dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
