8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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