I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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