I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize