HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
