i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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