She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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