You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
