I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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