you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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