Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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