I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
