i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
