so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
