i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
