Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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