Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
