Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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