He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
