In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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