if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
