I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
