At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
