i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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