Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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